WTF is going on?

Sorry for the massive gap in keeping up with the blog. I’m not quite sure what has happened over the last few weeks. I appear to have turned into a mixture of Delia Smith, Charlie Dimmock, Jekhll and Hyde, Mary Poppins, Pennywise, Mr Motivator, David Attenborough and The Stig. In a nutshell my head feels completely mashed, (although that could be the alcohol!)

Not sure about you guys, but every night feels like a Saturday, especially with the weather being so gorgeous; 4pm comes around and it’s like “is it beer time yet?” I have been baking like Mary Berry on crack and found myself showing the kids how to make bird feeders for the garden out of recycled milk bottles like I’m presenting for Blue Peter! My knickers are now leaving a mark on my arse, providing me with a gentle reminder that I am slowing turning in to a fat shit. I’m hoping a #LockdownArse will soon trend on Twitter and become fashionable competition to the Kardashian butt, (fingers crossed!)

One highlight was the other day when I took a trip to B&M for some ‘essentials’ on the list. I honestly felt like I was being let out on day release, the excitement was unfathomable. I got in my car, (for what felt like the first time in ages), and set off, donned my sunglasses and cranked the music LOUD! When I got to the store the social distancing queue was about 20 deep, but the excitement only got stronger. I felt like I was joining the queue to board a plane to go on holiday or ride a new rollercoaster (not that I would ride a rollercoaster as I’m a huge wimp, but I imagine it’s the same feeling!) The staff were allowing people in one at a time and after about 40 minutes I was nearing the front. It began to feel like when you’re at the top of a water slide waiting for the lifeguard to recognise the green light indicating your turn. You’d step forward, hold the metal bar, put your swimming cozzy up your bum and launch yourself down.

I began to see other people leaving with plants, outdoor furniture, bird feeders, rugs, home furnishings, cleaning supplies, paint and craft. Suddenly, I found myself tapping the ground with my foot, anxious to get in and begin shopping. The trolley token was poised in my sweaty gloved hand, my debit card securely zipped in my bum-bag around my waist and hand sanitiser in the back pocket of my jeans. Standing in queues makes you fidgety and I started to think I had an itch on my nose. NO, “don’t touch your nose with your contaminated gloves”, I hear you say. I refrained, trying to distract myself from the itch by focusing on a lady leaving the shop with a fab looking outdoor aztek print rug for the decking. “I must get one”, I thought to myself; the urge to itch completely forgotten.

Long story short, I came home £100 lighter, pulled a muscle in my stomach trying lift frigging compost in the trolley, got enough garden lights to make it look like a Christmas rave all year round and managed to forget bread! I never found the Aztec garden rug which annoyed me and ruined my outing slightly but hey ho. It was one of the best days I’ve had for a while – I am sure that shopping is some form of therapy for me with the amount of serotonin it releases. However, I always feel naughty when leaving B&M and begin rehearsing my justifications on the way home in the car for buying certain items like decorative artificial hedge panels when I left the house for cheese.

Anyway, whatever makes you happy go for it. Especially in times like these!

Happy Saturday folks! x

Published by thinlipsnotits

30 something year old mum to two gorgeous superstars, Emmie & Ernie. Partial to the odd rant making my way through life and everything it throws at you being a parent and a woman!

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